Reality Check

after a long morning of putting alot of thoughts out the window when it comes to this new journey for me i conclude that everything happens for a reason..some good reasons and some bad reasons..bottom line is "i aint come this far to fall" when it comes to missing my kids,family or even my reality is better then what some people or even myself belive it is at sometime..i expect things to be my downfall when they can actually be my dreams all together lets break down how i feel and how i shall remain till my life is done..

1. im normal in my world..everybody else isnt ..i can live with that
2. its ok to be different or even have different dreams..i can live with that
3. instead of tryna learn how to adjust in this world..let the world adjust to me
4. i have the best fans ever "when they want to be :p"
5. when the walls start closing and the ceiling starts falling and the rooms starts spinning..THATS MY REALITY CHECK!! "in due time youll know"
6. my bad dreams are my great funny as that sounds..its better i feel that way..
7. i carry around this curse of damage..i kno its there..and i use that to my advantage sometimes and thats what hurts the ones i care about the most..i call her "lady luck" real bam fans know about that"..shes there for me when i need it..i try 2 leave it and when im at my lowest..she saves me everytime.
8. i love my kids to death..all 3!! anthony,branden and thomas "rip" thomas

for yrs i been tryna figure out what im suppose to fight for and what to belive in..but its a time where i actually have to fight myself to my own worse fear when it comes to that depression shit "thats lady luck" and i hate her..but at the same time grateful that shes around!

i woke up to a letter this morning..

and i thought how can someone notice so much pain behind the eyes of a man who embraces it and still look at him like hes worth more then that? i never belived that until this morning..i spent 27yrs tryna find that letter!


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